that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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