Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
