I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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