i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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