Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
