I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
