Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
