But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
