he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
