My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
