proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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