She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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