youre lurking in front of me
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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