maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
