are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
