Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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