so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize