why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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