There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
