Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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