Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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