You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.