u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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