why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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