Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
