Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
