Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
this boner is exhausting
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
