Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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