I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Can you bring me the toilet please
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So apparently I’m into choking now
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