At least make sure they are 18
Why
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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