she woke up with a sticky ear
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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