my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
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It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
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So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm like, not good at living.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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