So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My life is pants optional.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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