Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
