just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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