i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
