were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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