There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
