I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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