I'm really into asian looking animals
I skipped work to stalk him.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
