he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize