Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
