One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
