a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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