Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
