maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
