Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
