You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i drank out of a bidet.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
