That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
