He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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