why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
