"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
