I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
