Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
