there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
