he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
