he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
