Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
