Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
