fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
