it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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