It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
