I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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