This girl is more easily done than said...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
