my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
40s are totally the cure
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
